I have to tell you something. It's very important.

because I guess people (except my family) would think I'm weird and/or not listen to me.
But it's very important to me.
It's just... argh, I just want to get it off me. 
It's about my grandparents.
They are all dead.

I have never knewn my grandpa's. the father of my father died very early, when my father was eight or something, idk
I don't know anything about him, but he was a nice, caring man.
My other grandpa, the father of my mother, died when she was twenty-one. That was a tragic death. He already have had some heart attacks in the past, and when he went playing tennis, he got another one who was the last one. He died on the field, for so far I know. My mother told me once, but idk exactly. 
But the father of my mother (his name was Constant) was an amazing artist. He drew the most beautiful things. My mother is also an artist and I'm becoming one, I guess. I think we both got it from Constant. 

My grandma, the mother of my father, died in 2004, she was sick. I think she had cancer but I don't know exactly. 
I didn't know here very well because I was four years old when she died, but she was a funny and friendly woman. She was not that old. I wished she was still here. 
My other grandma was a powerwoman. She died last year, maybe you already knew. That was, fortunately, a silent death, which didn't hurt her in any way. 
We were on vacation, we were still in The Netherlands but it was kinda far away from my hometown. Like two hours by car. A few days after we arrived, my aunts phoned my mother that my grandma broke her arm on the stairs. My grandma had alzheimer. Alzheimer takes everything away from you, but very slowly. You forget things. 
She lived on a farm with a lot of other old people and young people who cared for the old people. It was very nice out there. Well, she broke her arm, and she was not really fine, and she also have had some little heart attacks. My mother went back to our hometown to visit her. She stayed there for one day. 
That evening, when my mother just wanted to drive home, my aunts made beds, to sleep in my grandma's room. 
They heard a sigh. My grandma already slept. They checked my grandma, and they discovered she died, with that last sigh.
The next morning, my mother came back to us. We heard the news. We were very sad, also because my grandma was so special. And I helped her. 
And the worst is: the last time I saw her, I didn't know that would be the last time. I sad: I'll see you the next time, granny'. She smiled at me. But there never was a next time....
We went to her funeral. She lies above her husband which she has loved so much. It was very sad. 
And then we went back to our vacation place, because we really had deserved it. It was amazing.

And now the thing I actually want to tell:
I kinda have made my own religion. I know it's weird, but it makes me confident.
Ok. Here I go.

My grandma, the one who died last year (Miep, say as Meep or Meap) (xD) has taken the place in the sun. Which means she is the sun. This is why I love the sun so much. Because I believe she is the sun. Every day when I go to school, I talk to her. I tell her that I'm so glad she shines everyday, and if it rains, or if I'm scared, I ask her for advice or help. 
And, you may believe it or not, it always works. Really. 
Also, she is more than the sun. Her soul is a butterfly, but yeah, I believe every soul is a butterfly. She flies in the garden in my last drawing I made, with Pawprint212. 
And last but not least, and actually the most special thing: I discovered she left something of her in my youngest cat, Maartje (the camo cat XD)
because she is as stubborn as my grandma. and she likes to get dirty. If she would be a real girl, she would play with boys, I feel it. She is not a real girly kitten. 
And we found her in November, that was already a few months after her death. And nobody said it was there cat. Like she left heaven to live with us. I told my mum about that idea. Now she loves Maartje even more, because we believe it's our mother and grandmother. That feels amazing. 

Constant, my granny's husband, was an artist. I believe he is the artist from heaven. He paints the clouds, every day. He also draws the stars. I love stars. They make me feel special and amazing.
He and my granny are the most powerful team. My grandpa paints the clouds, my grandma shines through them, which makes them beautiful. And my grandpa is also a butterfly, ofcourse. 

My other grandma makes the world laugh. She was so funny. 
I don't really know what task my other grandpa has. But I bet I would have loved him, if he still lived.

I feel more confident, with them by my side. If I think of Constant, I feel his hand on my shoulder. My mother painted him, his painting is in our kitchen. This is going to sound weird...:
I sometimes kiss him. It's really weird to see a girl kissing a painting, but his eyes are painted perfectly. He alway watches me, and it doesn't feel weird. I love him so much. I always imagine me and him sitting by a lake, drawing the things around us. Then we give eachtother our drawings.
I just wish this could be real.

Don't understand me wrong. I love my life. I even love it more now, because I know they're always with me. 
I just wished I could go to heaven for one day, to talk to them. And to make my dream come true: drawing something with my grandpa. 
I also want to hug my old pets. They died as well. But now I have two funny and most cutest cats in the world. I love them. 

I have discovered that I have a special connection with my grandparents, especially with the parents from my mother. This makes me feel confident and strong. I can always ask them anything. I don't get a real answer in words, but I get an answer in happenings. Since the death of my last grandma, I have a guardian angel. I sometimes feel lonely, but I always can hide in my imagination, where I'm always with my grandparents. I love them so much.

Nobody knows that I'm a beginning philosophe. I just discovered. 
I haven't told anyone these stories. I'm afraid they'll think I'm weird. My friends don't care. Dead is dead. There's no new life.
But I discoverd there is, they just have to look at Maartje, and then they know.

I'm glad I have told this to you. I'm sorry for the long stories and I really hoped you read it all. Pkease comment, I felt very lonely this week, and I need some friends around me. I love you.
No rude comments please, I'm very insecure.